more than revenge : how to win a fight in 2012

2011 was the year of girl fights. kimbella&chrissy, tammy&meeka, the bad girls&all of new orleans.... these girls made it look too easy-- they buss some heads, did a quick interview, made a name for themselves, and got to do another season of their tv shows. nice, right? while you're thinking about how teen mom's jenelle rocked that girl in the front lawn, think about 3 more girl fights in 2011:

dominique frazier.

alexis simpson & dominique frazier. alexis & dominique shared a dorm room at bowie state university with 2 other girls. 19yearold alexis was new to the college, and according to friends and family, the two girls had been beefin. on one september 2011 night, during bowie state's homecoming weekend, the beef turned deadly. the other roommates reported that alexis & dominique argued over music playing on an iPod in the bathroom they shared. one thing led to another, somebody swung on somebody, and somehow alexis ended up with something sharp in her hands. she stabbed dominique in the neck. dominique died 45 minutes later-- 3 days before her 19th birthday. alexis has been locked up ever since and could spend the rest of her life in prison.

right: alexis' mugshot after she was arrested for killing dominique frazier.

kierstyn jeffries

kierstyn jeffries & caije murphy. both 20yearsold, kierstyn & caije also shared a dorm room, but at howard university. again, the two girls had been going at it for a couple of weeks, and on an october 2011 night it got ugly. kierstyn & caije supposedly argued over pots and pans in the kitchen they shared. the girls thew hands, kicked and scratched each other until kierstyn threw a pot of boiling water on caije, sending caije to the hospital with burns. kierstyn, a pre-med student, was arrested and locked up. although she was released from jail, she was barred from coming back to school and getting her degree.

kortneigh mccoy.

shanee liggins & kortneigh mccoy. shanee & kortneigh were students at frostburg university. sometime in november 2011, 23yearold shanee had a party at her house near the campus. at the party, shanee's group of friends got into it with kortneigh's group of friends. kortneigh tried to break up the fight that, and she was asked to leave the house; so she left. soon after, people reported that shanee came out of the house and stabbed kortneigh in her temple and in her neck. kortneigh died during a surgery meant to save her life. she was 19. shanee has been locked up since that night in november and, like alexis, might spend the rest of her life that way.

shanee liggins.

shanee ligginis' mug shot after she was arrested for killing kortneigh mccoy.

i'm willing to bet that none of these girls thought their fights would end with shattered dreams for their education, time in prison or a life cut entirely too short. but if it could happen to them, it could happen to you.


so how do you win a fight in 2012? you think about the people who love you, you think about what it would do to them if they had to visit you in prison or mourn at your funeral, you think about everything that you have going for yourself. YOU THINK. and then you have enough respect for your life to collect yourself, walk away, and do better-- that takes much more courage and class.

"nonviolence is a weapon of the strong."

[brenda michelle . dedicates this post to dominique frazier, kortneigh mccoy, alexis simpson, shanee liggins & all of the other girls we lost to senseless violence]